Found guilty of murdering the English language is Melbourne TV Channel 10.In the promo for their new series "Women's Murder Club", the opening line is "Catching crooks in killer heels has never been a problem for Lindsay."
This statement - small as it is - gives us such a wide scope of "Oh! That is so wrong." Let's examine the evidence.
"Catching crooks in killer heels has never been a problem for Lindsay."
Well, of course it hasn't. How hard would it be to catch a criminal wearing high-heeled shoes? Even a person as unfit as I am wouldn't have any problems catching up with them.
And why is she only focusing on catching criminals who wear them? Doesn't she chase crooks who wear other forms of footwear? Perhaps she has a fetish for Stilettos? Or maybe a thing for blokes in womans' shoes? Maybe they're actually Lindsays' shoes which have been stolen, and she's trying to get them back? Or could it be that she is a member of that elite part of law enforcement known as the fashion police?
I don't know. But I guess, as Lindsay is the lead character in the series and thus needs to be able to catch the bad guys by the end of each episode, the writers were just ensuring that no one lost the plot and there were no slip ups. Or would that be lace-ups or slip-ons?
God help her, though, if one of the criminals decides to improvise and put on a pair of Nikes. She might need two episodes to catch him.
Another possibility is that Lindsay isn't chasing down crooks who are wearing high-heeled shoes, but is in fact trying to apprehend shoes that murder people. I mean, we've all heard the expression, "These shoes are killing me." Maybe one of the shows' writers decided to take that concept and run with it - no pun intended.
This would imply that the person wearing the shoes is also complicit in the crimes being committed. Otherwise they'd simply remove the footwear, wouldn't they? Unless, of course, the shoes have some kind of evil possession over them. I don't know, it all sounds a little far fetched to me. I mean, I've heard of people being slave to fashion, but really?
Then there is the other likelihood; that this is actually what is meant by people when they say their feet are killing them. Though how the feet might actually achieve this is beyond me. And why is it only the heels? You'd think the toes would have to be aware of what was going on, being as they are in such close proximity.
And is it both feet, or just the one? Which isn't as silly as it sounds, if one remembers the famous case involving Madonnas' heels, when her right heel said to her left heel, "Hello! I don't believe we've met before."
I don't know, the whole thing seems a bit corny to me and, in order to maintain the viewers' interest, the show would have to move along at a blistering pace. And, to be honest, I'm getting a little footsore chasing this one around. I might have bit of a rest now.
